Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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