how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
