Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
