Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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