and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
