I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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