I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
