So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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