I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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