yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
