this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
