my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
