He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
