So drunk, too bad you don't want this
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
