Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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