Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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