even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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