New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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