like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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