she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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