wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
