well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
