TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
