I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
40s are totally the cure
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
