She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
