Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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