i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
one might say we're banned from that church
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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