cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
