I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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