For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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