Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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