$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
