i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
