i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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