oh god the rape fog is back!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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