Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
