hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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