Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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