but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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