if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
