There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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