I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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