I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
