I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
