I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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