her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
