I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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