There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
