So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
