She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
