You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
